It's not a spider

I sat the girls down to eat breakfast this morning, while I finished getting ready for work.  While I was in my bathroom, I heard a loud shriek.  That was quickly followed by another scream and loud crying.  I threw my crutches out of the way, went flying out of my room and down the hall, prepping myself for whatever may have happened.  E and A were in tears, A just kept screaming "GET IT OFF OF HER!"  Completely unsure what was happening, I finally realized that E and A were pointing to O and that she was standing there, full of shock, staring at her hand.  I got everyone quieted down and I heard O say softly, "Mommy, I can't move, there is a SPIDER on my hand." 

Really?  Let me just pass out on the floor right now.  I can handle a lot of things.  Spiders are not one of them.  I didn't realize how much they bothered me until we moved over the summer.  Now that we live on a lake, I fight a never ending battle with the not so little monsters on the deck.  So, let's just say that the idea there was one climbing on my child's hand was NOT the way I wanted to start my morning. 

I reached towards O and she extended her hand, very carefully.  I was looking at her hand, not seeing a spider...or anything really.  A moment of additional panic hit when I realized it must have fallen off of her hand and it must be on the floor.  I scooped up all 3 kiddos, as quickly as I could, to get them onto the couch.  I was feeling a little nauseous about my spider killing mission, but it would be ok. 

E and A were clinging to their little sister, trying to soothe her, while I got out the vacuum and prepared to find and eliminate the spider.  Suddenly, another scream erupted out of O.  I dropped the vacuum and ran over to the sofa.  She kept screaming, there it is!  It's on my hand!  I finally got ahold of her hand long enough to realize that she had a tiny black mark on the edge of her fingernail.  I looked at her and said, "This?  This is what you thought was a spider?"  With tears in her eyes, she nodded.  "O, that's marker.  See, it's all over the other side of your hand too."  She paused.  Turned her hand over and examined the other side.  Then, she burst into giggles, jumped off the couch, and said, "Oh, I forgot that I used markers yesterday!  It's on my arm too!"  Crisis averted. 

An hour and a half later, I'm still shaking my head.  Morning shenanigans.  Welcome to my world. 

Happy Tuesday!

 See that tiny black dot?  Yep, that's not a spider. 

Disregard her really bad morning hair...we ran out of time. 

She was still laughing about it in the car...all the way to Grampa Doodle's! 

She couldn't wait to show him. 

 



Life Lesson #183

Dear E, A, and O,

The most incredible thing just happened.  I am lying on the living room floor, I am sweaty and need a shower, and my leg muscles are screaming from the trip to the gym.  This is me, right now:

The reason I am lying here, typing this, right now, before I head to the shower and have dinner?  Well, there's a life lesson I need to share with you and I need to share it right now, while I'm still fully in the moment.  Here it is...life lesson #183:

Sounds simple enough.  Why would you give up on someone or something that you constantly think about, have a passion for, or miss?  Well, sometimes life throws you curve balls.

One of my life curve balls came last May.  A broken foot that would not heal.

A broken foot or a broken anything, likely, wouldn't top my list of awesome life moments.  But this injury?  Well, it left me more than a little bit frustrated.  Of course it was frustrating to be in a cast for weeks and to have this constant pain in my foot.  But more painful?  Not being able to run.

Oh, me and running.  We have a love/hate relationship.

I love to do it.  There is, almost, nothing better than tying your shoes, turning on some music, and just going.  Not always with a specific destination in mind, not to burn calories, and not because I'm the world's greatest or most competitive runner (definitely not that last one).  When my feet first hit the pavement and the wind hits my face, I can actually feel my stress disappearing.  No matter how many things I may have on my mind, with each step, those things seem less significant.  Before I know it, the only thing that matters is the music and the weather.  True story?  My favorite weather for running?  In the rain.  Simply, nothing better!

I hate that I don't always have the time or the ability to do it.  Sounds like excuses, right?  Well, some would call them excuses, I call them reality.  My first life responsibility is to you three.  It is the most amazing, awesome responsibility in the world.  Although we love to take walks or run around the park, it's just not possible to go for a good, mind clearing run with the three of you as my sidekicks.  If you want to know a secret?  I often wonder if we will all run together, someday, when you are all a bit older.  I can't wait to find out.

But, back to time and ability.  There are some mornings when I wake up and would head out for an early morning jog or sprint, but you are all still very young and sound asleep.  Much too young to be home alone and when I see your sweet, sleepy, still dreaming little faces...well, it is easy to think...maybe I can get a power walk/short run in on my lunch hour or maybe Gramma and Grampa could visit for 30 minutes or so that night.  And as I glance at the clock, I weigh my options of what household stuff I could get done in the time before you wake up (it's usually laundry...you 3 make a LOT of laundry).  Before I am fully caught up with the laundry, dishes, shopping list or menu planning, it's time to get ready for work, get you up and out the door to school, and I am last out the door, heading to work until dinnertime.  I hit the door that night, cooking dinner while I check homework or pack lunches, finally get the four of us fed and ready for the next day, and try to wrap up our day by sitting down and just enjoying my time with you.  That run that was on my mind at 4:30 or 5:00 am that morning?  The one I was certain I could squeeze in at some point during the day?  Yep, some nights it just can't happen.  As important as it is to me, you three are more important and so the run can wait.  So, like I said, some may call all of that an excuse.  Not me.  It's just our life and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

Missing a few runs to spend time with you doesn't phase me.  I consider myself lucky that I have time to spend with you and that it makes your day to have "us" time.  However, having to give up running because I had a broken foot that would not heal?  More painful than I can explain.  When I found out that there was a full break in May, I spent some time in a cast.  That didn't work, so I had six weeks of a different treatment.  An image in October showed that it still hadn't healed.  At that point, the surgeon looked at me and said it wasn't going to heal and my only other option was to have the bone removed.  Yes, I looked as shocked as you did when you read the word "removed."  I was scheduled for surgery on 12/1/2014.

Prior to surgery, the surgeon gave me all the yucky facts.  I was already antsy to get back to running, after missing part of spring, all of summer, and most of fall.  Every time I drove through town, I was scouting new routes to try.  Every time I saw my favorite running shoes, sitting unused in the corner of the closet, I was tempted to put them on and go for a "test run," just to make sure it hadn't healed.  So, when he told me I would be on crutches for 12 - 16 weeks and unable to bear any weight on my left leg, I wanted to cry.  The biggest blow came next.  60% of people who have this surgery are never able to go back to running.  Wait, what?  He explained the logistics and left me with a "we'll just have to wait and see" answer.  I'm fairly certain that at that moment, I could have run a marathon, even after having a solid 6 months off.  I teared up on my way back to work, but as I pulled into the parking lot, I decided something.  I wasn't going to be in that 60%.  I would be in the other 40%.  I would run again. No matter how long it took.  I would follow all the directions perfectly, no weight, crutches in the dead of winter on the ice...I'd do it all...because I wanted to be able to run again.  That's where the life lesson I mentioned at the beginning came in initially:

Surgery went well.  Actually, much better than he anticipated.  Two weeks after surgery, I got to have a few hours of light weight bearing time to walk around, minus my crutches.  At three weeks post op, the images showed that everything was staying lined up as it needed to.  By Christmas Day, I had mastered hopping around on one foot and was able to take steps around home, as long as I was very careful.  At 6 weeks, the amount of time I had to use my crutches each day was slashed in half.  At 7 weeks post op, I took a deep breath and did something drastic.  I put all my faith in the fact that I would, slowly, regain my ability to run and instead of registering for a full marathon in the fall (my original intention), I opted to register for this instead:

Yes, that says 2,015 miles in 2015.

No, I'm not crazy, just determined.  

I did opt to complete this challenge as a team,

so I am responsible for 1/2 of the miles or 1007.5.

However, my bigger goal?

To actually complete the full 2015.  

On January 11, 2015,

one day shy of 6 weeks post surgery,

I completed my first, very slow, very careful mile.

Which brings me to today.  4 days from now, I will be at the 8 week post surgery mark.  But yesterday, the surgeon told me I could begin integrating some indoor very light jogging.  He wants to see if things remain aligned as I start increasing my activity.  I am allowed to walk outdoors, but it is too dangerous to run.  A rock or a bump in the road could derail my entire recovery and send me right back to square one - surgery.  Considering this injury came from a rock that I encountered during a race, I will gladly get started on a treadmill.  I'd much rather be outside, but that will come in time.  

I changed after work and headed to the gym.  Honestly?  I had butterflies in my tummy and I was nervously excited.  Another truth?  I almost turned around and walked back out.  

Yep, that statement is perfectly, 100% true. 

So, I took the first step.  

I walked over to the treadmill, took a deep breath, and...

Let the games begin!

I have to alternate between running and walking, with more walking than running

I am only allowed to amp up the speed on the treadmill to a certain level,

but I did it.  

A 5K, on the treadmill, following doctor's orders.  

And that my dears?  Is what lead to the very first picture, on this very long post:

1/23/15

Right after my first training session of 2015.  

I am exhausted, sweaty, and my legs feel like jello.

But my heart?  

It's soaring.  

Girls?  Here's one more thing you should know about me:  

Each of you have some of my fierceness,

my determination, and my focus.

You are all wonderfully different from each other.

But, each of you are stronger than you realize.

You can do anything that you decide is important.  

And just remember this...

If you can't go a day without thinking about it?

Then don't give it up.  Be passionate.  

Keep going.  Never give up.  

Curve balls happen, accept them.  

Step back, start over, or take a break if you need to.  

But, never ever give up.

Finally, keep this in mind...

And that's all I've got for today.  One more memory for the books, one more life lesson that I have shared with you.  More to come soon.

Love,

Mom

Enjoy today, a flashback comparison, and ET

True story.  

Every day...never the same.

Enjoy it, hold onto it, make great memories,

and be prepared for a new round of amazing when you wake up the next day.

When this little turned 4 on Christmas Eve, I posted a picture of my first meeting with her.

This was Christmas Day, 2010 in the NICU. 

I had seen a quick glimpse of her in the delivery room,

but this was my first chance to truly "see" her, hold her, and meet her. 

See that wrinkled little forehead?



A few days ago, I snapped this pic of her...

age 4.

Pretty sure if you look above to the first picture?

She is giving me the exact same look. 

Yep, some things never change. 

ET, Phone Home.

 



Just kidding, it's me O!

 

 

A peek at the week

So, this happened yesterday...

That would be my jeans on the left and my oldest daughter, E's, jeans on the right.

I'm 34.  She's 7.

When did her jeans get to be nearly as long as mine?  And, why do I feel like before I know it, her jeans will be longer than mine?

And then there was this...

First Sleepover Invite!  Can you SEE the excitement in that toothless grin?!?

Throw in a bit of this...

"Bumblebees do NOT wear pants.  So, buzzzzz."

Invisible when she is wearing her "spy glasses."

So, you don't see her, because she isn't really there.

And a little sister love...

More pics, more stories are coming.  It is one of my three busiest weeks of the year, so back to more photos, stories, and fun by the weekend!  

Plus one

It's time.  Time to grow our little family by one four legged friend.  The girls and I are used to having a furry friend around the house, in fact, more than one friend has been the norm for as long as they have been alive!  After we moved and got settled this summer, I started to look into adopting a dog.  We hadn't found the right one when I found out my foot was broken, so the search was temporarily paused so I could take time to heal.

As I started to search more and more, there were a few little potential friends that won my heart over by their picture alone.  Each time, these little critters were scooped up and taken to a new home (hooray for them, sad for me).  As the school year picked up and got busier, I started to wonder if maybe the fur friend hadn't been found yet, because maybe we were just too busy to bring a pup home right now.  I contemplated long and hard, but continued to look...I was putting my faith in my gut instinct...hoping I would "know" what the right decision was.

And one day, on the local shelter site, I stumbled upon a small little kitten.  My heart hit my stomach and I stared at her picture for a really long time.  Me?  Not so much a cat person.  In fact, I may be slightly allergic to them.  But, that face.  Suddenly, I found myself on google researching cats and wondering if maybe our new family friend would be of the kitten variety, instead of the puppy variety.  I took a deep breath, clicked on the application for her, and crossed my fingers.

8 kitten applications and 3 weeks later, we are still without a pet.  Who knew kittens and cats were in such high demand?  I am currently on 4 waiting lists with area shelters for kittens who are not even BORN yet.  Really?

However, I continue to search Pet Finder daily.  And I have noticed a few things...

1.  The staff/volunteers who name a lot of these critters have a really twisted sense of humor.  Really, how well do you think it may work for that pit bull you just named Killer or Kujo?  Likewise, when there is a 2 pound pup or kitten named Butch or a 70 pound giant named Fluffy, I have to chuckle.

2.  "A little anxious/jumpy...may do better in a home without children" means this friend has been returned at least once for trying to eat a small child.

3.  "Prefers to sleep in his crate" means he will try to kill you in your sleep.

4.  "Prefers to be outside of his kennel" means he will gnaw through anything resembling a cage, be prepared to have your home destroyed should you try to leave.

5.  "Would do best in a home without other pets" means he has tried to eat other animals at his previous home or at the shelter.

6.  "Likes to exercise" means this one's a runner...fence and leash required.  And be prepared to chase him down.  A lot.

7.  No pictures...these friends need to win you over on personality alone, because should you see their pictures first, you may immediately keep looking.

8.  Dressing the four legged friends in costumes has also been increasingly popular.  Lots of santa hats, elf ears, jingle bell tutus, and more.  The winner was from last night though:

Meet Baron Fluff Bottom.  

I couldn't stop laughing.  That face.  That elf thing around his neck.  

The fact that he knows how ridiculous he looks and wants to scratch the photographer's eyes out.  

Oh Baron, someone is going to take you home and love you forever.  

Unfortunately, I can't stop laughing long enough to fill out your application.  

Admit it, you just grinned.  You can't help it.  

Those of you reading this blog who do not know me likely think I am incredibly judgmental.  Not true. If my home was big enough to bring home all these friends, I am positive my heart would explode from all the love.  Unfortunately, my heart is much bigger than my home.  But, this is just one more note for the girls scrap book.  Someday when they think back to their childhood, remembering that cat or dog we have had forever, they will see the Baron's photo above and grin wildly realizing all that went into bringing our life long family friend home.  

Speaking of a new family friend, it is time for the daily Pet Finder web search.  :-)  Operation Adopt a Pet is in full swing.  

Fresh start...from right where you left off.

Another thing you should know about me?  I love quotes.  I kind of live for them.  I have found that I stumble across quotes at the most random moments in life.  Sometimes I read them and I get nothing out of them.  Then, days, months, or years later at a specific moment in my life, that quote will pop back into my head and it will make perfect sense.  Other quotes I stumble upon and they hold significant meaning right then.  In that moment. 

The quote above hit me hard yesterday.  It is impossible to truly ever start life over.  And?  Even if you could, I wouldn't want to.  Here's the thing...my life has not gone as planned.  There have been unpredictable moments.  Some of those unpredictable moments were so absolutely incredible that I never want to lose any part of the memories.  Other moments have been so yucky, scary, sad, or horrible that there are moments I wish I could erase the memories.  But I can't.  And, deep down, I know that I wouldn't erase those memories. 

Why?  Why not get rid of the moments you wish you could forget and savor the moments you wish would last forever?  Well, I think it is the toughest moments in life that define us.  Shape us.  Make us who we truly are meant to be.  If everything in life came easily, there would be no depth, no substance to our personalities, our souls.  We would just be shells.  I believe everyone has some life scars.  Some are visible, others not so much. 

My littles like to throw me curve balls that make me constantly "rewrite" the story of my life.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  I have no idea where life is going to take me or how it is going to change over the next few years, but I am excited to find out.  Looking forward to the next chapter of this story...so far, it has been a good one. 

Day 1

It's a new year, but for me?  Just another day in the chaos.  See, that's the thing you should know about me now.  Before you keep going.  Why wait until a "new year" to have a new resolution?  Every day, every single day, is a chance to start over.  To wake up with a fresh outlook, a new frame of mind, a new goal.  So, why wait until January 1st?  Sounds strange that I am typing that while starting a new blog on 1/1 of all days.  Just coincidence, truly.  I wanted to get a new blog set up before my youngest turned 4 on Christmas Eve.  Time got away from me.  That tends to happen.  This is why:

Ahh yes, that is the reason time slipped away!  Meet E, A, and O.  My three daughters.  7, 6, and 4.  They keep me on my toes.  Or, rather they would keep me on my toes, except I am nursing a broken foot back to health...so basically they keep me hopping...on my crutches.  True story...never break your foot.

So, this blog?  Just a timeline of sorts.  A way for me to keep track of the memories that these three give me each and every day.  Not every day is a good day.  I'd be lying if I said that every part of every day was good.  But, I do believe there is some good in each day.  Some days are "turn off the lights, go to bed, pretend this day never happened" kind of days.  But I think that those are the days that I grow the most.  There are some days that are so amazingly incredible that have me laughing and smiling from the start to the finish.  Those days are impossible to put into words...pictures do a much better job.  And then there are those other days.  The ones that fly by so fast I have no idea what really happened, because well, there just isn't enough time to stop and take it all in.  I am making a conscious effort to slow down and find more time in each day to truly see those amazing smiles, twinkling eyes, hear their magical stories, and just BE a part of their world.

In my world?  Every day is never the same.  In fact, I can't think of any truly identical days in the past ten years or so.  Yes, there are parts of my day that are routine.  Dull, in fact.  But I am even learning to savor those moments.  It's strange what makes you change your outlook on life or what makes you appreciate certain things more than you used to.  I can't say that it is any one thing that has made me the person I am.  But?  I'm glad that I have become the person I am today and I look forward to the person I will continue to become in the days and years ahead.

One more quick true story for today?  I have had nothing but trouble getting this blog set up today and I have tried 3 different platforms!  I refused to go to bed without knowing that this post would be dated today because I absolutely wouldn't wait another day to start journaling my new memories with them.  Yep, I won't give up without a fight.  So, even though there is no background, no pretty template...I did it.  I lived in the moment today.  I can't even really tell you what exactly we did today, other than just spend time together.  And I didn't get any amazing snapshots.  But?  I had fun, they had fun, and we are all exhausted.  So, calling it a night and I shall resume making this new family timeline more "acceptable" tomorrow.

Much love,
Liz